What Pride feels like to a first-time walker

Colors. Everywhere. Rainbows on flags, on clothes, on faces. Colors on costumes, colors on vehicles, colors on buildings. Everything is so colorful, it literally feels like the darkness in your life is being chased away.

You walk and dance as music is blasted through your ears, and as the people on the sidelines cheer. Here you see the hopeful, tearful eyes of a young closeted girl, there you see the tender smiles of kind, loving parents. Somewhere, a couple is kissing.

Some people leave the sides to dance with you, others blow kisses at you, and you dance and sing with the people you came with, as Arabic music is blasted through the speakers.

Your friends laugh and smile beside you, and all you register is how happy you all are, how unified you all seem. Thousands, if not millions, all together, all singing, dancing, crying, waving, smiling, hoping.

And the overwhelming feeling finally hits you: you are home.

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Can we all stop being such hypocrites please? Forcing people to be “politically correct” is a form of repression and y’all know it!

It’s been brought to my attention that people nowadays don’t act respectfully towards others because they know they should be respectful or because they fully understand why certain words would be hurtful.

They just act respectfully because we tell them to. Because we verbally attack them if they don’t. They just act respectfully because they don’t want to bother with “foaming-at-the-mouth people with unresolved issues” (as I’ve been told).

This is very bad. I don’t want a fake peace, I want peace. And the worst part is that it is not their fault. It’s the fault of those who say “Everyone is entitled to live as they want.” while verbally bashing others for their opinions, or the way they’ve been brought up.

Arguments like “It’s hurtful” or “It’s too disrespectful” or “No, we don’t say that anymore, we say this, it’s more correct.” Give me a break.

Yes, being respected is important, but no, we are not so weak that mere words would destroy the very fabric of our oh-so-fragile existence.

WORDS ONLY HURT US IF WE GIVE THEM THE POWER TO HURT US, GEEZ. Names are just names. Words are just words. I’m a proud fucking faggot because guess what? Faggot is another term for gay. Derogatory? Fuck derogatory. It’s only bad if you take it bad.

If someone makes an impartial observation on a certain community and it hurts, they’re not racist, they’re not sexist, they’re not homophobic, they’re not transphobic. They’re just making an observation. If it hurts, it’s not their fault.

Personally, I’d rather have people insult me right to my face so that I can laugh at them. Give the fuckers their right to speak their mind, I promise you it’s hilarious if you open your mind just a teeny bit.

If you want to fight against that idiocy, then don’t just arm yourself with “No that’s stupid” “Kill yourself” “That’s hurtful” “You’re an idiot” “That’s so disrespectful” or whatever worthless argument. Give reasons. Real reasons, not that pitiful “words do hurt” excuse.

EDIT: In case some people skip a few of my sentences or don’t understand what I’m saying, I’m not saying stop fighting. I’m not saying don’t be hurt. I’m saying suck it up, and do realize that the people you’re fighting:

  1. Think they’re right, just like you.
  2. Think they’re entitled to their own opinion, just like you.
  3. Don’t care if they hurt you, because that’s the fucking point of insults, ain’t it? And if they do care whether they hurt you or not, that means they did not intend it. Don’t jump on them.

So for the sake of everything just stay calm and rational. Fight the ignorance and the hate with these 3 points in mind.

EDIT 2: That video pretty much sums it.

From Bernie Sanders being eliminated from the POTUS pageant thingy to brexit, the world could end right now and I wouldn’t even be surprised (Oh, and a surprise anti-homophobia video)

Honestly, I keep myself half offline for just a small while and this is what I come back to? World, u OK? D’you need a meteor blanket? Maybe some hot space lava?

First of all, I’m outraged that the USA’s two remaining major presidential candidates are a Jack of Blades-type succubus and a half-witted corn dog. It’s like the majority of Americans forgot they actually had brains, or that human brains were capable of abstract and algorithmic thoughts, and not just blind emotional outbursts of violence and idiocy.

*Sigh* And people ask me why I lost faith in everything.

But that’s not all! Homicide has apparently become a sort of sport, what with 50 people murdered at a gay club in Gator-land being the highlight of Pride month, among other other mass shootings (yes, I meant that second “other”). Wow, humans. Great job at being human.

Oh, so apparently there were other massacres, what with suicide bombers attacking all over the place.

Ah, the sweet smell of pending doom. Is it a plane? Is it a bird? No, it’s the United Kingdom who’ve been kicked in the arse so hard they’ve been propelled into the cold, dead void of space! Really, it’s not much different than the Americans voting for the succubus and the corn dog. Just a bunch of old and racist white people ruining it for the younger generations just cause they blame others for their own incompetence. I can see where the USA gets it from. Ah, well. #SameOldSameOld.

On the bright side of things, the Orange is the New Black and Game of Thrones finales were off the charts. Sure, some people died, but that’s what people do. No biggie. My heart didn’t break into fifty million pieces. Nope. Not at all. *Sobs until the next seasons*.

Oh, and Helem Montreal made this little something just for your adorable little eyes. It’s got subs in English, French and Arabic. Shouldn’t be too hard to figure out if you aren’t older than eighty years old or one of my parents. Anyway, it’s an anti-homophobia video that’s really nice and sad and everything. Oh, and did I mention I helped making it? 😀

So yeah, that’s all for this post. Have a good day, and don’t make the world any worse than how it already is.

Isle of Flightless Birds

Heyo guy! I’m kinda back, I guess. I’ll be  off and on for an undetermined period as my energy and will to stay on social networks is acting up. I’ve noticed that I barely said a thing since that big suicide episode thingy which I don’t want to dwelve too much into. But I want you to know that I’m slowly (ugh very slowly) getting better.
Anyway, I find that the following song (yep, you guessed it, by twenty one pilots) describes exactly how I’ve been feeling these past 18 years and I guess it kinda shows how my mind continuously destroys and heals itself. So here ya go!

Now is the climax to the story
That gives the demons and angels purpose
They fly around while we are walking
And mold our emotions just to please them

I am cold, can you hear?
I will fly with no hope, no fear
And the ground taunts my wings
Plummet as I sing, plummet as I sing

All we are is an isle of flightless birds
We find our worth in giving birth and stuff
We’re lining our homes against winding roads
And we think the going is tough
We pick songs to sing, remind us of things that nobody cares about
And honestly we’re probably more suicidal than ever now

If you decide to live by, what you think’s wrong and what’s right
Believe me you’ll begin to wish you were sleeping
Your weeping will creep in your head and you’ll cry
But if we wake up every morning and decide what we believe
We can take apart our very heart and the light will set us free

I am cold, can you hear?
I will fly with no hope, no fear
And the ground taunts my wings
Plummet as I sing, plummet as I…

I am cold, can you hear?
I will fly with no hope, no fear
And the ground taunts my wings
Plummet as I sing, plummet as I sing

How frustrating and so degrading
His time, we’re wasting
As time will fly by and the sky will cry as light is fading
And he is waiting, oh so patiently
While we repeat the same routine as we will please comfortability
Please don’t think about why you can’t sleep in the evening
And please don’t be afraid of what your soul is really thinking
Your soul knows good and evil, your soul knows both sides
And it’s time you pick your battle, and I promise you this is mine
(I promise you)

I like coffee, books and rain

I like coffee, books and rain.

The scent of old, that which brings pain.

Unequaled energy that destroys and creates.

Reminiscences, both pleasant and grim.

A betraying coziness which brings forth anguish, a hearth which sets fires.

I like coffee, books and rain.

They are pleasant, there, and plain.

But coffee burns and poisons,

Paper cuts flesh and destroys nations,

And as for rain, it can devastate a world.

Plagues, floods, you name it.

I like coffee, books and rain,

But I also fear them.

Because sometimes, when you’re least aware,

The things you love most will make you break.

Even though they seem trivial and harmless,

Even though you love them,

Even though they love you,

That deadly potential is always there.

So beware.

And stop loving.

Oh, and I like sushi.

Honestly I didn’t want to write this and even as I do I’m having second thoughts and feeling icky and swimming in a pool of self-pity but to be honest I owe you guys – and myself – an explanation

Okay. So as some of you might have noticed, I haven’t posted anything in the last… what, 20-25 days? Yeah… so anyway.

This month has been… something. I lost all motivation to do anything, and I’m pretty sure I’m treading the path of major depression. I don’t know what happened. I guess I just… broke.

At first, I thought it had been the disappointment of not being accepted into the creative writing major, but as I got over my initial shock, I realized that I didn’t actually care. I also realized that I don’t care about anything in my life.

I guess I always felt like that, but it’d never become so acute. Usually, the bad thoughts of emptiness and meaninglessness would only creep on me late at night, when I didn’t have anything else to distract me, but lately it seems like they’re hounding me 24/7.

It became really intense, that sense of purposelessness. So intense that I tried to kill myself about a couple weeks ago. Chugged a butt-ton of alcohol (whisky is ridiculously disgusting btw) and pills and slit my wrists just to make sure. Didn’t work. I ended up vomiting everything and my cuts scabbed in less than an hour. All it did was leave me with an intense pain and a certainty of ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.

So I called 911 and told them to get me and everything. They put me on suicide watch in the hospital for about 15 hours (which only made me want to die more than ever because holy shits it’s boring in there) and then the psychiatrist released me and gave me numbers to contact and told me to go seek help from specialists in a center near my house.

And that’s what I did. I got asked a shitload of questions and then they told me that they put me on the waiting list for a psychologist (everything in Quebec has a waiting list it’s ridiculous is2g). So all is fine! Well, not really. Even though I got physically treated, I’m still constantly thinking about dying.

I’m pretending to everyone that nothing happened, but it doesn’t seem to be working. My uncle keeps telling me nowadays that I look resigned, like I lost the last bit of fight left in me. Honestly, I never knew I used to give off a fighting spirit in the first place, but the fact is he noticed something different.

So there it is, the main reason of my absence.

P.S: I swear to God if a single one of you comments a pity-encouragement thing or makes me feel like they’d look at me like a broken puppy I will track your I.P address down and hire a local witch to curse you and your future bloodlines.

So after a few hesitations, I’ve decided to download Tinder, and I don’t know how I feel about it?

WARNING. I AM A GRAMMAR NAZY.

*OK this is very out of context but Spotify just decided to play the Glee version of The Winner Takes it All and I’m in total bliss because holy gods this is one hell of  a good song*

I start this by saying that I have absolutely nothing against people who use dating apps, whether it’s for dating, serious relationships, or casual hookups. Be free, House Elves.

I used to think that dating apps were idiot magnets. Maybe it’s because of that Zack and Cody Sweet Life on Deck episode where they tried to hook Mr. Mosebey and Emma Tutweiler up. I was just like *omg this is ridiculous* during the entire episode.

Anyway, I’ve downloaded Tinder because I guess it’s time for me to start dating, and I’m not really going to do that from the comfort of my home without the help of the internet, and people have been telling me it’s not that bad, and that nothing could possibly be as bad as Grindr. I absolutely believe the latter. Definitely. Grindr? That… thing didn’t even last 10 seconds on my phone before I deleted the crap out of it.

So here I am, figuring the app out, writing out my profile, and starting to swipe. First pic, the guy was fine, but I wanted to see his profile, what he wrote. I mean, that’s the important part for me. Oh, the horrors.

I’m sorry, but just don’t write “Moïse à écarté la mer noire, je ferai de même avec tes jambes.” (Translation: “Moses separated the black sea, I will do the same with your legs.”)

First of all, it’s “a”, not “à”.

Second of all, it was the red sea, not the bloody black one which is situated right next to bloody Russia.

Third of all, this sentence is so unoriginal that Hollywood would’ve thought it brilliant.

Fourth of all, just plain EW?!

The guy almost had me uninstall the app on the spot, I swear. But I persevered. I swiped left.

And oh.

A girl? I could’ve sworn I’d set my discovery thing to men only. My thumb went faster than a bullet and swiped left.

After that, I found the app kinda nice. Swiping right and left is actually fun. Too bad some people don’t write anything on their profiles. I swipe left because how the heck am I supposed to know about you to like you? If all you put up is your pics, it’s as if your were making a statement that looks are the most important thing, or that you’re only looking for “Netflix and Chill’s”. There’s nothing wrong with that, but there are people (me included) who aren’t looking for that.

So yeah. There are good sides and ba… *I just got my first match omg* and bad sides to Tinder. I guess I’ll just wait it out and see if it’s good.

*Aw the match guy lives in another province and I hadn’t noticed how high my distance was in the discovery thing whatashame*